One Post To The Next

President Barack Obama, in direct contrast to his predecessor, is pursuing a diplomatic push with Iran that has a great deal more grounding in reality than that of our former administration. Unfortunately, due to the foreign policy approach of moral absolutism and the labeling of Iran as part of the axis of evil, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, set into motion an ambitious and highly predictable Iranian pursuit of nuclear technology.  The exact opposite scenario that the Bush administration was hoping for and yet another example of how GW’s foreign policy has helped create the problems we now face today, not only with Iran but with North Korea as well.

The Obama administration has, intelligently and realistically, accepted the fact that at this point in time, Iran is headed for credible nuclear power status.  The only way to contain and deal with this is through direct diplomatic negotiations.  Yes, I know, that means giving the Iranians the status in the world that we were initally hoping they would not receive, but it is too late to turn back the clock on that one, the cat is already out of the bag.  To not deal with the Iranians simply because of morality and high principles is absurd at this stage of the game and would make about as much sense as Nixon telling China to go to hell back in the 1970’s rather then moving forward with our diplomatic efforts with them.

To be a proverbial optimist, I would encourage the viewpoint that this may present the United States a great opportunity to perhaps do some creative bargaining with the Iranians that would involve giving them some of what they want in terms of peaceful nuclear technology, security and recognition.  This could be in exchange for their willingness to stop any military support to Hamas and Hezbollah, improving their human rights record, and providing direct assistance in fighting Al Qaeda.

This could end up being a very transformative event in which the whole scope of power and diplomacy in the middle east changes.  We would obviously have to take a stronger stand with Israel for this work, but it could be done.  Obama’s efforts to curtail nuclear proliferation and emphasizing disarmament is also a critical component to all of this.  It would be pretty hard to talk one nation into restricting its development of nuclear arms while ourselves and others are making bigger and better ones.

In this day in age, realism serves us much better than moralism.

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.

Dave Barry (1947 - )

The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.

G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)

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How do you learn to disagree with someone and be effective at it.  I have always been fairly competitive by nature.  I have played quite a few sports, particularly in my younger years, and out of that I have developed a pretty big appetite for winning.  Over the years that competitiveness has mellowed substantially but I still find it occupies certain areas of my life where my ego tends to reign supreme.  One of those areas has to do with arguments or differences of opinions I have with others.  Particularly if it has to do with either religion or politics.  I know I’m not alone on this one and I am sometimes puzzled why I can be pretty calm, cool and collect on differences of opinion on some things, but when it comes to these two topics, the stakes suddenly become higher.  I have a few dear close friends who will attest my combativeness in these areas and it is kind of embarrassing at times.

I still have a tendency to feel that I need to win all those arguments and do a better job of presenting my case than the other party.  I think deep down I want to show that my reasoning, my intellect, and my grasp of the facts is far superior to the other person’s.  In the heat of the moment I often give myself a pretty healthy shot of adrenalin and start making the whole conversation much more than what it really should be.  I often sense that I am putting my self-esteem on the line - whereas if I don’t win the argument, then I am somehow failing or I am inferior to the other person.  Strange as it may sound, it kind of becomes a psychological life and death struggle.  I don’t like how that struggle feels either, and there are times where I deliberately don’t even get into a discussion on religion or politics because I don’t like to put myself through this psychological gauntlet.

I have come across some tips that I have helped me deal with this issue.  Most of it has to do with keeping a more rational viewpoint of the whole thing:

1. Remember……you don’t have to win any argument and in fact you rarely ever “win” an argument.  Most of the time you are just more obstinate than the other person and they give up.  It would help immensely if you simply thought of these encounters as  a sharing of views rather than a debating contest.

2. Slow down, take a breath, and remind yourself of #1 when you feel yourself getting worked up.

3. Listen carefully to the other person’s point of view and agree with parts of it that you can.  This takes much of the adversarial component out of the discussion and it encourages the other person to be more receptive to your points of view.

4. Opinions are not people…they are just points of view.   Your opinions are not who you are and the same holds true for the other party.  We often demonize others or speak poorly of them simply because they don’t see things the way we do.  The truth is, they just don’t see things the way you do!  That doesn’t make them a bad person.

5. Avoid getting angry and making snide personal remarks.  Once you do this, it is all downhill from there.  You no longer are sharing…you are attacking.  Any meaningful dialogue comes to an end and you often say stuff you regret and have to apologize for later on.  So save yourself the trouble and  not let it get personal in the first place.  (I know….easier said than done).

6. Keep a sense of humor about it all.  Very few arguments need to be that serious in nature.  You don’t have to win! You are not going to pick up the paper in the morning and read how you won or lost the big verbal match.

7. The more you see the other person getting worked up, the important it is for you to stay calm.  Don’t get caught up in their emotions.

8. One final suggestion is that if there is a particular person who you have had numerous bad arguments with…it might be a good idea to just give it a rest and avoid the discussion in the first place.  There are some arguments with some people, that you know will end up accomplishing nothing, so it’s best to just smarten up and not even get into it.  No matter how tempting it may be!

Namaste

It is pretty safe to say that Americans spend an enormous amount of time sitting in front of the television.  It isn’t just our kids either, many of us grownups give up a great deal of valuable time watching the “idiot” box, as my Dad so often called it.  I like television and I watch it everyday to a certain extent.  I never have been one to sit and watch 2-4 hours of it on a daily basis, but I do watch a certain amount on a daily basis…some days more than others.   I happen to live with a family that loves watching TV more than I do  and there is usually at least one television on in the house at all times.  It drives me nuts at times, but I guess I have adjusted to it.   Television often ends up being background noise around our place…..at least until I happen to come by and shut it off.  My wife can’t understand why it bothers me so much to have the television on and I can’t understand why she doesn’t like to have music playing in the house all the time.

Lately I have been trying to be a little more conscious of the ways I bring negative energy and influence into my life.  It quickly became obvious to me that one of the large contributors of negative energy was the TV.  Particularly the news programs.  I at times have been a CNN, MSNBC news junky and was always catching the major news broadcasts of the day, not to mention all the Sunday morning interview programs such as Meet The Press And This Week.   I began to realize that between these news broadcasts and the newspaper, I was basically saturating myself with a lot bad news.  Not all of it is bad of course, but let’s face it, they predominantly give their attention to what is going wrong versus what is going right.

I decided that I didn’t need a steady diet of that stuff.  I now watch it enough to keep me up on major news, but other than that I try and stay away from it.   I recently read where someone said that being informed is one thing…being saturated with it is another.   I am also more selective of what I watch in terms of regular programs and movies.  Excessive blood, gore, and violence just isn’t cutting it for me anymore (pardon the pun).  I can handle it if it has a meaningful purpose in story, but other than that I don’t particularly like to watch it.

The television is a wonderful, creative medium and I do love some of what I can watch on it.  But I also realize that it can influence my emotions and attitudes in a negative way….sometimes without me even knowing it.  I have a tough time seeing myself being a person who never watches TV, but I am more selective of what I watch.   Because of my tendency to get depressed at times, I’m a little more careful of what I feed into this brain of mine.

Namaste

A very successful business executive had just finished giving a talk and was taking questions from the audience.  Someone asked him the following questions and these were his responses:

Question:  What has been the secret to your success?

Answer:  Two words -  “Right Decisions”

Question:  How did you learn to make the “Right Decisions”?

Answer:  One word - “Experience”

Question:  How did you gain that “Experience”?

Answer:  Two Words - “Wrong Decisions”

Have a good day

Namaste

Having a set of beliefs and ideologies from which to work from offers all of us the structure and order we need to do our thinking from.  Not a bad idea really, because if nothing else it gives us a starting point on how to look at a particular issue or situation.   We use our beliefs everyday to greater and lesser degrees - sometimes consciously and sometimes not.  I kind of look upon them as tools and we can either use them well, like a skilled craftsman to bring something good to bear, or we can use them to tear our world down.

When Rush Limbaugh hopes to see President Obama fail, or a Democratic congressman blames all our current problems on that “damn George Bush” and his Republican cohorts,  they are letting their personal beliefs become more important than the issues at hand.  The task at hand shouldn’t be to do things to promote the future well being of the Democratic party, find reasons to hate Barack Obama, or prove to the world that our beliefs are superior to theirs.  We should be focused on doing what works or at least trying to figure out what works best.  Any other “agenda” needs to be pushed aside.  Maybe that is wishful thinking on my part….but I can dream can’t I.

Here is an imaginary statement I would like to hear our politicians utter:  ” You know what folks, we have some pretty big problems facing us right now, I will admit that I have my beliefs and preferences about this, that or the other thing.  But I want all of you to know that push come to shove, I want to do what works and what is in the best interests of society and the world as a whole.  If that means I have to admit my beliefs are out whack or that in this situation they just don’t serve us well, then so be it.  They are beliefs of which I tend to subscribe, but they are not set in stone and they certainly are not who I am as a person.  I refuse to allow my  beliefs and opinions to become more important than doing what is right, fair and honest.  Maybe that means I will have to allow the other party to be right or to gain some recognition.  Maybe it might even hurt my party….but if it makes America better or if it makes the world better, how can I sit here and sabotage things just so the other side looks wrong……No! I am not going to do that.  I will always speak out on what I feel is right because I feel it is important for people to do that.  But I am going to speak out with the understanding and awareness that I might, just possibly,  be wrong…..or that the other guys idea might be better than mine.”

Or how about one of our religious leaders saying something like this.  “I have a set of beliefs about God and this world that I believe in and follow.  I have no quantifiable proof that my beliefs are the “correct” ones or better than yours in any way.  I only know that they resonate with me.  They bring sense and order into my life and are a tremendous source of inspiration and joy for me.  If you are interested in them I would love to share them with you, but I will never impose them on you, give you some sort of guilt, fear laden sales pitch,  or worse yet, expect that you follow them because they happen to be the prevalent belief in our society at this time.  Rather than tout the merits and superiority of our particular religious beliefs (or non-religious beliefs) , I think it makes a lot more sense for all of us to simply take care of each other and love one another as best we humanly can.  Am I going to do this because my religion says I should?  No, I do this because I have discovered that world is a much more pleasant place to live when we all do this.”

Those statements tend to reflect my beliefs.  If they happen to work for you….you are free to use them free of charge.

Nameste

I’m going to share a story with you and it is the kind of story that I just relish.  I love stories of people who lived their lives fully, who experienced incredible setbacks, misfortunes; who had their faults and weaknesses, their dark nights of the soul; who yet some how muddled and persevered through all of it and gave themselves and the world something special.

Those of you who are golfers will probably be familiar with this story, but those of you who aren’t probably have never even heard of this guy.  Ben Hogan was a professional golfer whose career spanned from the mid-1930’s until the late 1950’s.  Today he is recognized along with Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus as one of the best of all time.  But his golfing conquests are only a part of his story.

Ben, quite differently than Tiger Woods, did not experience instant success at his game.  He toiled for close to ten years in obscurity trying to make a living as a professional golfer.  In the process he went broke many times.  Finally in the late 1930’s his persistence and hard work began to pay off and he started to be a successful touring pro.  He was winning a sizable number of tour events and was considered to be one of the best on the tour at that time. He finally was enjoying the fruits of  his long, hard labor.  But that all changed on Feb. 2, 1949 on a foggy road in Texas.  While traveling with his wife, Valerie, the Hogans had a head on collision with a Greyhound bus that decided to try to pass another vehicle on a bridge east of Van Horn, Texas.  Just before impact, Hogan through himself in front of his wife to protect her from the impact.  Not only did that save his wife’s life, but his as well, because the impact sent the steering wheel through the driver’s seat.  Had he stayed behind the wheel he would of been killed instantly.

Valerie escaped with minor injuries, but Ben was less fortunate.  From the hips on down he was a broken mess.  Later in the hospital he developed life threatening blood clots that required doctors to perform an operation that tied off principal veins in his legs to prevent the clots from reaching his heart.  Doctors told him he may never walk again.  The thought of ever playing professional golf again, of course, was never a consideration - except for Ben.

In one of the most incredible physical comebacks in the history of sports, Ben Hogan not only was able to walk again, but he returned to the professional golf tour and in 16 months after his horrible accident, won the United States Open Golf Championship.  He went on to dominate  the game again, despite having legs that could barely get him through 18 holes of golf.  He lived in almost constant pain as a result of what had happened to his legs.  Yet he put together some of the most astounding records in the game’s history.

This was the physical tragedy in Hogan’s life but what is maybe even more incredible is the emotional tragedy he carried with him all his life.  Ben was not necessarily a well liked man.  He was a fierce competitor, obsessively hard working, and had little time for small talk and pleasantries.  He rarely talked to people when playing and to many he was remote, cold and at times downright rude.  He even earned the nickname, “The Wee Ice Man”, because of his small physical stature and his cold and resilient approach to golf and life.  Ben Hogan did shun the limelight, he was definitely an introvert, reclusive and he was not going to overwhelm anyone with warmth and kindness.  But, as it is with almost all those we seemingly don’t understand - you need to know the whole story….

You see, when Ben was nine years old he witnessed something that no child should ever have to see.  He watched as his father sat in a living room chair in his home, put a gun to his chest and commit suicide.  It wouldn’t take much of a psychiatrist to ascertain the psychological impact that this had on Ben and what role it played in the formation of his own personality.  Ben Hogan had his personal demons and he lived with them all his life.  Physically and emotionally the man went through things we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy.  It is amazing what he ended up accomplishing with the time he had in this world.  His story also reminds me of a key life lesson:  Before you judge anyone to harshly for who they are and how they act,  it is important to know and understand some of the “background” information.

Amazing isn’t it -  what some people go through in their lives.  Often when  I hear or listen to a story like this I get tears in my eyes.  These people are my heroes.  People like Ben Hogan - they are not saints, they have their faults and weaknesses, and they don’t necessarily change the course of human history - but they are incredible human beings and I love them for what they bring into the world with the lives they live.

Namaste

To say that this week’s inauguration of Barack Obama is an important event would probably be the understatement of the year.  Even if you didn’t vote for the man and disagree with his ideas, it would take a monumental act of denial on your part not to see the significance of the first African American being sworn in as President Of The United States.

Mr. Obama is walking into circumstances which are tailor-made for making one a “great” president.  I think Abraham Lincoln once said that great presidents are made more so because of the circumstances they were faced with rather than their extraordinary personal traits.  We have been very fortuitous in our history to have some remarkable people in office during extraordinary times.  Likewise, we have had some great presidents go unnoticed simply because the events during their presidency didn’t avail themselves to greatness.

Time and events will tell whether or not Barack Obama ends up going into history as a great president.  One of the concerns I have is our society’s inclination to put our leaders up on a pedestal.  Inevitably, when you put people that high up, they end up coming down in some way.   I hope we don’t do that to President Obama.  I believe in the man and what he offers this country.  I feel he has great promise as a leader…. but more importantly I believe in what he stands for and what his presidency can mean for all of us.

Who knows what will happen with Mr. Obama over the next 4-8 years.  He may lead us on to great accomplishments or his presidency could be a big disappointment.  The fact of the matter is, Barack Obama will come and go, but hopefully what will not leave us is the belief and conviction of what this country can be and what positive things we can accomplish in this world if we only focus our intentions on them and believe in ourselves and others. That is what gets me excited about an Obama presidency. He believes, as do I, that we have so much to offer ourselves and the rest of the world.  He is helping to lift our sight and see our country and the world through a new lens.  Along with our new President, I truly believe in our collective ability to bring peace, kindness, and prosperity into this world.

This kind of greatness, this kind of endeavor, doesn’t rest with one man or a small group of people…it rests on all of us and we are the ones who will either make it happen or let it slip away.  It is up to us.  Mahandas Ghandi reminded us that all change starts first within ourselves.  If you want peace in this world, start with peace in your own life first.  Be that peace.  If you want more love in the world, start with bringing more love into your life in whatever way you can. Be that love.

I remember a man who embodied that spirit……

We celebrate Martin Luther King’s birthday this week.  Racial equality in this country didn’t rest on the shoulders of Mr. King.  It rested on the shoulders of all Americans.  The dream he held continues on without him physically being here anymore.  The reason for this is because the quest for equality was not about Martin Luther King, it was about us…..and it goes to the very core of our humanity.  Dr. King was simply courageous enough to play the role he was called upon to play. and we are better off for it.

Our ability to navigate the events and circumstances that lie ahead of us as a country and as a world, does not rest in the hands of one man.  To expect that would be to place an unrealistic standard that no man could ever manage to live up to.  Instead of putting the person of Barach Obama on that high pedestal, let’s leave him down here with the rest of us, let him do his job and work hand and hand with him in making our country and this world a better place to live.

Namaste

“Your hands cannot grasp what your heart cannot hold.”  Unknown

How often do we ask or pray for something, but hear a small or sometimes not so small voice in the back of our minds saying, “I’m really not deserving of this”,  “Don’t count on this happening”, or maybe you hear the one I often heard, “God probably will decide this is not best for me.”

For me this all ties back to the concept we hold of ourselves and the vision we have of God.  All to often we box God into what “our” image of Him is  (even as I write the word “Him” I know I have created a box).  Recently I have decided to quit pursuing my past way of thinking on all of this.  I’m taking a new approach! I have decided that I am worthy of what I want and desire out of this life.  Not any more or any less than any one else, but I am worthy and deserving of all the goodness, well being and love life has to offer. There is plenty to go around for everyone.

I also decided to leave behind the image of God as an arbitrary dispenser of goodness, love, good health, prosperity and whatever else we seek on a daily basis.  On the surface, I would say I that I haven’t believed in this kind of God for quite some time, but as I looked inward and really looked at what was going on inside of me, I realized that in some respects, I still believed in this kind of a God.  I realized I still had a tendency to view God as a heavenly Santa Claus who hands out gifts based on a criteria unknown to mortal man.  At least to me anyway.

Jesus took the ambiguity out of this, but I never really, really listened to him.  And now I have.  I have decided to take Jesus’s words to heart - literally - (quite a task I might add coming from someone who doesn’t take much of scripture literally).  But these words I am taken literally - “Ask and you shall receive”.

I no longer try to worry about the “how” or “when”….that I leave up to God.  My job is just to allow, trust, and receive…something I haven’t been good at in the past, but am doing much better at in this present moment.  I hope you find this helpful.  Have faith.

Namaste

Over the past week or so there have been numerous “polar plunges” throughout the world.  People seemingly losing common sense for a moment and diving into water that is normally best suited for arctic marine life.  As I watched those videos on the news it reminded me of just how much I hate swimming in cold water.  I thought of how often in my past experiences I would gingerly ease myself into that frigid water, hoping that in some way my mere presence would magically warm that water up enough to make it tolerable.  I also learned that acclimating myself to the water in this manner was not only time consuming but very uncomfortable….in fact, downright painful.  I learned through trial and error that the best way to swim in cold water is to simply dive in and get it over with.

I find the same approach holds true for me in doing things in life that I don’t want to do, but have to.  Those little, and sometimes not so little, everyday things that are so easy to procrastinate on and avoid.  I found that tippy-toeing around them waiting for that perfect moment of inspiration to get them done, just wasn’t working for me.  I discovered that putting all thought aside about the task and just plunging into it was far more productive for me.  I also discovered how good I felt about myself afterwards for accomplishing something quickly rather than putting it off.  It felt good.

I still procrastinate at times, but not as much as I used to.  And those onerous tasks don’t seem quite as painful and unenjoyable as I had them made out to be.  When you catch yourself mentally rationalizing why you shouldn’t do something right now - try ignoring your thoughts long enough to simply allow yourself to jump in and do it.  I think you will be pleased with the results

Namaste

I had a long list of things I needed to get done today.  Most of which were business related.  But I made a decision today to let go of that “to do” list in order to do something that was much more important….spend time with my son.  I am pleased with myself in making that decision, because so often in the past I have used the excuse of “work” to get in the way of spending more time with my family.

I had bought my oldest son, Jason, a new fishing rod and waders for Christmas.  He is home on his break from college and I could tell he was anxious to get out and try the new stuff out.   I am very good at the “we will do it tomorrow” mentality and I was half tempted to tell him that today, because I really did feel I needed to work on my business, which I have ignored a bit because of the holidays.

But I was determined to make this a priority, so I told him to get his gear together and “let’s go!” 

What a great decision I made.  We drove for about an hour to an area just below Snoqualmie Falls in western Washington.  Our intent was to catch some Steelhead trout….something neither of us has done before.  He loves fishing.  He fell in love with it over the past two summers while spending time in Alaska playing in the summer collegiate leagues.  We have wonderful pictures of him holding up a 40lb. King salmon that he caught in the Palmer, AK area.  He also had great stories to tell of the huge number of Silver salmons he caught while up there.  It was fun today to partake in his sense of enjoyment of getting out in the middle of the stream and fishing his heart out.

I would like to report that we caught our limit, but we didn’t.  In fact neither one of us even got a bite.  But it was still fun to be there with him, taking in the great outdoors and enjoying what God has given us through nature.  What I will treasure the most from this day is standing in the middle of the stream with my son in the midst of a snowstorm.  This was a first for the both of us.  Jay and I typically do all our fishing in the summer and fall, thus avoiding old man winter.  And as a rule, it doesn’t snow all that often here in western Washington anyway…although this year has been an exception to that rule.  So this is a new experience we get to chalk-up in the “been there, done that” category.  We will probably bring it up often in our fishing conversations of the future.  It was one of those Kodak, Norman Rockwell moments for me, and while we had no camera at hand….the picture of it will remain with me forever.

It was a day without major accomplishments, but one I will remember fondly for the rest of my life.  The joy of simply being with someone I love and enjoying life’s moments with him.  Now that I think about it……..that is a major accomplishment, isn’t it.  They just don’t get any more “major” than that.

Namaste